Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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