she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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