I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
