If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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