dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
