That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
