He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
