Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
