How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
