i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
