I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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