we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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