dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
