I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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