apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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