I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
