'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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