I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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