You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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