my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
did you just send me my own nude
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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