I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
