Sry I called you an 8
hell yes lets make some ravioli
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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