i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
