The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
