I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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