Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
