Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
