Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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