I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
