the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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