i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
