i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
