I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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