i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
