You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
