How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I would fuck him just for his dog
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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