I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
