I think my fart just growled at me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Enjoy the penises
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
