Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
handjob tips. give me some.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
