I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
