If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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