i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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