Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
