Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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