Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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