This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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