Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
