they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
