when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
