FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
