Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
