What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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