U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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