maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize