Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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