what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
