She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
