i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
