She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
