3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Randomize
