Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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