On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
