Christians are straight up FREAKS
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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