Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
