Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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