Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
