So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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