Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
