Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
