I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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