I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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