it was like his penis was on wheels.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
