It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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