I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
