Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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