Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
