Quick, to the slutcave!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
