Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
