I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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